Archive | May 2013

Melt my Heart to Stone


I’d like to convince myself everyday that I don’t like you. In that way, I can’t be hurt. But, can’t I? Just a thought of you can make me happy and sad at the same time. A thought of you can make this heart be in cloud 9 and heartbroken at the same time? I’d like to convince myself that whatever you do to me are normal and you do it to everyone you cared about, to your friends. I’d like to convince myself that you have no feelings for me though nothing is certain, I want to make a conclusion. I don’t like to entertain the idea that somehow, you like me and someday there might be possibility that you and I will collide. I’d like to convince myself that you didn’t do the things that you do for a special reason – for me. I just like to think that you just want to and I don’t have any contribution for that decision. I’d like to think that I won’t ever have to see you but truth is, the thought of it kills me. I don’t want to get hurt, to hope for anything yet I know your the one who makes me happy most of the time without an effort. I manage to forget all my worries when I am with you and everything seems possible. I wish you were here, today, smiling at my flosses. I want to see you badly but I don’t have the courage to make you much closer to me than you are right now. It scares me that you will be a thing that I can’t live without. The thought of you entering my life in full blast scares me for I don’t want to be hurt when you have to walk out one day. it scares me yet somehow, that is all I ever wanted. You belong in my dreams and it hurts just to think that maybe, you only beong in my dreams. I like you though I don’t know how far it is that I can do for it. It scares me to think how much I like you but I do and everyday, even at times I didn’t see you, It gets stronger and I can’t help it. It is not your fault, it is all mine. I should have walk away while I still can but I didn’t. I should have caught myself. I hate thinking like this but there’s a part of me who is desperately hoping that you like me too the way I like you. It’s taking its plead and it is bleeding each time I convince myself that you’re not the one. Do you like me? Do you really know how I feel? Would you tell me honestly if you do? If yes, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid that I will get hurt? If you are, I want you to know that I am ready and I don’t care if I will be. I am already hurting each day I thought about the possibility that each hello means another goodbye. I am scared too and I don’t even know what will happen if I lose you. I am scared too but I am willing to take the chances if you just say you feel the same way too. If you don’t, can you just please give me a reason not to hope. Can you tell it directly to my face so that I will wake up to this dream and move on? Can you please walk away? Even if I don’t want you to, even if it will kill me, can you? Maybe that way, I can finally convince myself that everything is enough.I can’t be sure but I am hoping that you don’t have to do that. That you don’t have to walk away because you can’t live your life without me. That you will miss me too and somehow, you want me to be in your life more than just a friend..