June 14; After 7 long months and 7 days…

       “Things never happen the same way twice” – Aslan, Narnia Prince Caspian

      How many times do we remind ourselves with this? It is given. What happened in the past won’t just come around for the second or third time no matter how good it is or you wanted to. After 7 long months… I never thought any of this will happen but it did. It does. I think none of us really expected things as they came especially as you look back but how come we always ask for more when those good things passed us by. I never expected any of it. Back then, I won’t even bother thinking about it. I don’t even care if it comes or not. I don’t even mind if I get less, I just want a little time… A little of what I wanted but it gives me a lot than what I wished for. 

        Back then, I just wished that I will be given a little chance but what had is a lot of chances. I just asked for tiny moments but gave me tons of it. I hoped for the little things but    I got more than that. I can’t say that I’ve got the real deal but as I look back, it is more than enough. 

       I’ve got more than enough yet it pains me that that’s it. What happened on that day won’t happen again and it pains me even if I don’t have the right to. I certainly don’t have the right to but I can’t help it. The moment I knew it will never happen was very painful. I never thought it would be that sad realizing it can’t be. It’s sad but what can I do? I can’t control how things would turn out, all I am left to do is wait  – accept. I don’t know but it really felt like a shattered dream and this time it was real. The blow is undeniable and it makes me feel like I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know what will I do. I don’t even know if I can continue doing the same things if all I had were nightmares, haunting me of that shattered dream. I can’t even concentrate on the things that I have to do… It seems like I am paralyzed – and barely care on the things to come. It’s illogical yet this is what’s happening… 

      I want to be thankful for that past 7 months but it left me incapable – getting used to the things that will all be gone. It’s the part that I hated the most. I don’t know what to do after it is all gone? With no position at all, I want everything to stay for good but it won’t… It won’t.

     June 14: I don’t even care at all. Not a single thought – not a single wish… Yet after 7 long months and 7 days, I find myself asking a little more time – chance I know I wouldn’t have…

– sevenImage

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